Joy…..in our Jura lives!

“My whole life in a suit case!” she said over and over and over….  and Joy moved into our home. Buddy is getting a house mate, and it would be interesting to see what was going to happen. She enjoyed all the attention, and maybe didn’t really know what was happening, that she was moving  here.

The first night was already a challenge, when Joy wanted to go out after dark onto the porch for her beloved cigarette, and poor Buddy, so conscious about safety, had to see the door being opened by an old women! He struggled to close it, and she struggled to open it….but she won! For a couple of nights we had to calm the one and free the other…

And now three weeks later, they are starting to get used to each other. They sit in the same room now, listen to old music together, sit at the same table having lunch, and with sunset they will sip on a glass of ‘black stuff”. Buddy’s drink, and Joy’s ‘brandy”!

Slowly Joy is creeping into everyone’s hearts, with her sense of humour, her unexpected wit….and her soft Madonna smile. She is becoming a part of our family, and her family is becoming a part of us…

And with Alita’s permission I share her story with you. She is the daughter in law of our Joy.

” Tonight I want to share my story. Two years ago our Dad wanted to go back to the Kalahari. After a lot of organising we took him, only to return the very next day with a very confused Dad. He started battling to communicate, he crept away from people, nothing felt safe anymore…. Not even his dear Kalahari could bring back a little bit of himself.

After that Alzheimer’s became a big part of his every day life and ours. 

And as I sit here on the floor, next to his bed, my turn to watch over him for the night, I wonder… What is worse? To die suddenly like my dear father, two weeks ago, with his mind still so sane and clear but his body so sick, or with your body so well, but your mind lost somewhere, not knowing where you are, who you love, totally dependant on others to care for you? What is worse? I still don’t know…

Both my in laws have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My father in law already psychotic, and with a golden love between the couple, my mother in law, Joy as you know her now, was still caring for her husband, although she needed the care too. She repeats everything over and over and over, and I have to listen and listen and listen…

Joy was suffering. In her life trying to live with Alzheimer’s herself, she battled to understand what was happening to her husband. Why was he putting the sugar in the butter? How can you make coffee with tap water? She will throw her arms in the air, moaning, only for him to follow,  saying: “Nje, nje nje!”  And when she turn around after a little while, he will take her in his arms, and all will be forgotten. Until he starts moving all her furniture out of the house, wracking the potholders, because he had to work, that is all he can remember, a man has to work!

We laughed a lot, cry a lot…and fought the fight with him, calmed him down with a small tablet, which left him white and cold and without a breath for a while, until he fell asleep.

And we learnt…

We learnt that it is so expensive to put your loved one in a Home, we learnt that not all Homes are equipped to look after them, we learnt that at some stage you can no longer care for them. We learnt so much..

One of our last nights together, after he refused to drink his medication, spitting it out every time, getting frustrated with him, impatient with him, all of a sudden he bowed his head. We could hear him making his usual noises, but this time we could hear the Lord’s name somewhere in between every now and then, and after a little while  we could hear him clearly saying: “Thank you Lord, Amen.” The room was filled with the presence of God, His Love was enveloping us, and we knew God understood this babbling prayer of this man tonight.

That night he “spoke” to his Lord, and then his family, and he gave over the family reigns to his son.

This is my story…. and now the story with Joy continues….

CCTV Photo