I want you never to come to the point of placing your Loved One in the care of a Dementia Care Home!
I never want you to come and visit our Home.
I never want you to walk through our gardens, do not look at the peacocks, the chickens, the little ducks around your feet.
I do not want you to walk down the passage with me, peaking into people’s rooms. Do not look at their personal belongings, the familiar painting, the comfortable chair with the worn seat, the smiling photos of another life.
I do not want you here…..
But you will get here…
And the question is.
When is the right time to leave your Loved One in the care of a Home?
Almost five years later, and all I know is…
sooner is better than later.
There comes this time when you feel like your own life is falling apart. Your life is not what you expect it to be a couple of years ago! The retirement dreams are faded.
You are looking after someone who was supposed to be there for you. Someone who is taking away your quality of everyday life, complicating even the simplest task as going to the shopping Mall.
Someone who is following in every foot step you take, not even allowing you to go to the bathroom, standing infront of a closed door, moaning, not being able to understand the closed door between you two. not being able to know, how to open a closed door. How did all this get to this day?
The day when you open the bathroom door, and bumping into this familiar stranger….you know!!
It is time!
Or the day when you pack your bags to visit your children and grandchildren….
When you hug those little people against your soft grandma body, and you see the fear in their eyes for this old man next to you. The man with the helpless eyes looking at his own daughter, not remembering.
And when he sits down next to you on the couch, not leaving your side for a minute among these “strange people”. No expression, no feelings for what once was a part of him.
And the night comes, and you take him to a strange room, strange smells, strange noises….and he gets upset for being there. a place he does not know, and he does not belong.
He wants to go home! Wherever that may be!
And frightened and upset you bundle him into your car…to take him home.
Half way home he is even more scared, and he tries to get out of the car. He doesn’t understand. He doesnt know you. He pulls on the door handle, and he scares you! It is chaos in the car! Sobbing you take the long road home.
Is this you?
But when is it the right time to place your Loved One in a Home?
Because today, he is almost lucid. I can almost see the man I love, the man I’ve been married to for 40 odd years! The father of our children. The provider for our family. The man who made me laugh…
Is this you?
So when is the right time?
SOONER THAN LATER…..is the right time.
But why sooner? I can still suffer through the bad days, awaiting the good odd day.
Sooner, because, you can still survive. You and your family.
And you can still have good memories of him and with him, and you can treaure that.
If it is later…you might loose it all.
After almost five years, loving the people in Jura Care Village I do believe…SOONER!
You give us the time to still get to know glimpes of the person inside the person living with Dementia. We can get to know him, with all his complications, but also with what is left of the person before Dementia. We can create new emotions in him of feeling loved and cared for, of being safe, of belonging somewhere.
And he can still get to know the environment of where he is, where his favorte chair is, the spot in the sun, the dog coming to steal something from an offering hand. He can still settle and feel that he belong somewhere. The uncomplicated, safe routine of a Home, can give him the security he needs. the smells from the kitchen and good food, can make him feel loved. The famliar faces of staff, the smiles of another resident….he can still find a safety in all of that.
Sooner is better for him with Dementia, because he is living his own new life now! A life where you are only the visitor…
And the joy comes…
when you see him smiling
or dancing or keeping the rythm with his foot
or taking a long walk on the farm
or whistling while he walks down the passage to his room.
Then you will know that SOONER WAS BETTER!